WORDS: SIAN THATCHER PHOTOGRAPHS: ALAMY, GETTY
1
BENTLEY
SPEED SIX
This [right] is one of the
most beautiful cars ever built. They
were completely unbreakable – you
could drive them from here to China
and not have to clean the spark plugs.
I think all the ones they built are still
running 85 years later, although now
they’re probably around the same
price as a three-bedroom house
in Surrey. I’ve got a 1931 4.5-litre
Bentley and it still does 100mph.
The Stig went to ridiculous
lengths to remain anonymous
2
BUGATTI
TYPE 35B
I wouldn’t be able to fit in
this [above] – it’s tiny. Racing drivers
from the Thirties were all about 5’ 6”
– tiny wee chaps, like jockeys – while
I’m 6’ 1”. I have driven a Type 57,
though. Richard and Judy gave
me it to drive around London for a
programme I was doing. I think it
was worth about £1.5m. The guy
who accompanied the car was
from the auction house. I drove it
around Shepherd’s Bush roundabout
on two wheels, and I’ve never seen
a man go white so quickly…
3
ALFA ROMEO 8C
MONOPOSTO
They had three of these in
a line at an exhibition at the Science
Museum in London a couple of years
ago – it was so beautiful you could
cry. Modern cars are boring, they all
conspire to make you think you’re in a
sitting room and not actually driving.
There are no noises, a bossy woman
tells you to “turn left at the next
junction”, I might as well be in the back
seat. With an old car, you feel the wind
rushing past and you really have to
drive it or it’ll come off the road.
44 / WWW.SHORTLIST.COM
The Guest List
Robbie Coltrane’s 10
favourite vintage cars
The Cracker and Harry Potter actor opens up his dream garage for inspection
Bond’s boss was
lousy at parking
4
CADILLAC ’56
COUPE DEVILLE
Harley Earl designed
these [above]. He was hugely inspired
by Mustang fighter planes, which is
why he introduced the wraparound
windscreen and the fins. American
cars have a terrible reputation in this
country for being disposable, and
it’s just not true. They’re so well
built, you’ve no idea. They’re all still
going in Cuba, even though they use
shampoo for brake fluid because the
bloody Americans won’t let them
have the real thing, stupid buggers.
“Modern cars are boring, they all conspire to
make you think you’re in a sitting room. With
an old car, you feel the wind rushing past”
5
CITROËN LIGHT
15 TRACTION
AVANT
I have one of these. It’s an old Paris
taxi and I know this because the back
windows are all scratched. I said to
the guy who sold it to me, “Have you
noticed all the marks?” I thought it
had something to do with stilettos,
but he told me that when a girl
was given a diamond ring by her
boyfriend, the first thing she did was
get into a cab and run it down the
window to make sure it was real.
6
JAGUAR C-TYPE
The D-Type Jag was a bit
lumpy, but the C-Type was
perfect. I’ve actually been in one,
which was a bit of an effort, because
they have a very narrow chassis.
They were built by Jaguar, purely to
win all the races – Stirling Moss, Mike
Hawthorn and Tony Rolt all drove
them very successfully. And they’re
also stunningly beautiful cars.
7
FORD GT40
This came out of the fact
that Ferrari p*ssed off Ford.
Ford tried to buy Ferrari in the Sixties,
but they told Ford to f*ck off, so, out
of vengeance, and because Ferrari
were winning everything, Ford spent
£2m on a car specifically designed
to win Le Mans. The first two years,
the GT40s fell apart in the race
because they got the transmission
wrong, but then they beat Ferrari in
1966. I’ve got it on film and it is one
of the most exciting races of all time.
8
FORD MUSTANG
I have a ’65 Mustang in my
garage and it’s gorgeous.
In the Sixties, [car rental company]
Hertz bought about 5,000 of these
cars, painted them gold and put red
wheels on. They were so fast and
beautifully balanced people used
to rent one on the Friday, slap a
number on it and race the a*se se of it
all Saturday on the track, and they thhey
did really well. Every Monday
morning at Hertz, there
would be all these cars
smoking away, covered in
bumps and with no tyres
on them, so it stopped it.
Chitty Chitty Bang was
aghast at the insult
9
HISPANO-SUIZA
Originally Spanish-owned
but now part of the
French Safran group, this company
originally made rifles, but produced
these big GT tourers in the Thirties
that were made for long-distance
journeys. You could just drive all
day in them, to China and back.
It didn’t build very many, but they’re
stunningly well made. The company
also built aeroplane engines, so it
knew its stuff. [Actor] Peter Ustinov
used to have three Hispano-Suizas,
so I’ve been for a ride in them and
they are certainly amazing cars.
10
ASTON MARTIN
Pretty much any Aston
Martin [below] should be
in the top 10. They are the most
extraordinary cars – handmade,
beautiful and mechanically very
reliable. I was at Le Mans last year and
saw the Aston Martin win its class.
I’ve driven one myself, but I don’t own
one – there’s no way I could afford the
insurance. Insurance companies
don’t like actors – they imagine you
spend all night snorting coke and
taking prostitutes out. Look to your
own, I would say, for that one…
Robbie Coltrane’s B-Road Britain
is out now, published by Bantam
Press, ppriced
£18.99
“Get off my manor!”
You wouldn’t like Car
when he’s angry…
To view a Ceros magazine you need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser and have the flash player 8 or higher installed. To install the latest flash player, click the icon above, install the flash plugin and then click here to refresh this page.